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5 Annoying Things About Feeding

April 14, 2018


5 Annoying Things About Feeding

I loved breastfeeding. But I also hated it.

You see, babies aren't always the polite little bundle of joy falling asleep dreamily at the breast. Sometimes they don't want to stop their acrobatics. Sometimes they pull your hair. Sometimes they cough milk back onto your boob after a feed.

In essence, sometimes they are the world’s worst dinner guest. Here are the top 5 things that annoyed me most about breastfeeding.

 

1. Biting

Those two, lonely, tiny teeth look pretty harmless but trust me, they’re not. They’re razor sharp. I know this because I’ve been bitten. Yes, on the boob. Sure he’s teething and it helps to bite down and apply pressure to the gums but wouldn’t it be great if he could do it without my nipple in his mouth? The first time it happened I shot three feet into the air, much to the amusement of my husband. It turns out having your nipple bitten is quite painful, who knew?

 

2. Pulling Out My Other Boob 

One mouth = one nipple, right? Wrong. Because if I'm sitting in a cafe trying to feed my baby discretely, it’s almost certain that he will try to expose my other boob. His little hand will be resting gently on the balcony of my bra when, like a ninja, he quickly yanks down the other cup and my cup runneth over...

 

3. Pinching

This one is terrible. If you thought their teeth were painful, wait until you feel their sharp, claw-like nails. It’s usually in the moments before they drift off, in that strange state between wakefulness and sleeping – that moment when you shouldn't disturb them in any way. Suddenly their fingers start pinching - almost reflexively - squeezing the skin on my boobs between hawk-like talons with Hulk-like strength. I tried distraction. I tried redirection. Heck, I even offered up my hand as a sacrifice but no...only my boob would do.

 

4. Pulling Away Mid-Feed

As much as I am proud of what my body can do as a mother, I don’t want to show the whole world my nipple. Yes, I know my right to breastfeed in public is protected, but I’d just rather not. I try to feed without showing too much flesh although, to be honest, that’s not always my call. Because my babies thought it hilarious to show everyone in the cafe. The slightest noise from behind and they'd pull off to look around, exposing my nipple to the world. This often happened when staff come to take my order. Their voice would interrupt and they would pull away to look - leaving my nipple hanging awkwardly in the air between me and the teenager who has come to take my order. One dignity with a side order of self-respect, please.

 

7. Stretching My Nipple

It's pretty bad when he pulls off and flashes my boob for the whole worldbut it can be worse. He could go for the stretch instead. You see, a loud noise fmight get his attention but it might not be enough to get him to unlatch first. So he'll simply turn to look around the room With My Nipple Still In His Mouth. Tears are welling in my eyes just writing about it.

 

Breastfeeding was one of my favourite things about having babies and so it's not all bad of course. But it's not without its challenges either.

Enjoy!